Missing Scenes from Alter Ego
by CarolHQPanzarin
Summary: Missing Scenes from 3rd season episode Alter Ego. The events that led Captain Janeway and First Officer Chakotay to attend to Nelix’s Luau party together. ----COMPLETE-----
1. Chapter 1 Captain on the Bridge

Title: Missing Scenes from Alter Ego

Author: CarolQ Continuum

Summary: Missing Scenes of 3rd season episode Alter Ego. The events that led Captain Janeway and First Officer Chakotay to attend to Nelix's Luau party together.

Pairing: Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay

Genre: Romance

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager Series are Copyright and Trademark Paramount Pictures. No infringements intended.

Authors Note: I´d really appreciate reviews.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

Missing Scenes from Alter Ego

Chapter 01 – Captain on the Bridge

Captain Kathryn Janeway was really intrigued about the Reversed Nebula. If she and Voyager´s crew member could understand the nature of the dampening field holding that plasma strand it could lead them to develop new techniques to prevent breaches for any plasma reaction. It was a technology that could be of much use if they could find new power sources.

She was excited and confident, as any scientist would be in the face of a discovery, but that was not the only matter wondering in her mind.

"I see all of you in Mr. Nelix´s luau. I´m sure everyone will be attending." She meant for Tuvok of course, his excuses for not socializing with fellow crew members could be justifiable on the Alfa Quadrant, but as far away from home as they were, would be in the best interest of Voyager´s Chief of Security to be sociable and perhaps make some friends.

"We're a long way from home." – She though.

Surely captain Janeway has been constantly thinking about that lately. Not only because she cared about the trip effects on Tuvok and the rest of the crews physical and mental health, but also because she felt some changes on her own self.

For the past two years they´ve lived on an unknown region of space, struggling to gather compatible resources, making alliances and most of all finding a way to get safely on the Alfa Quadrant, and so far the result of that trip, as she concluded a few months back, was that ultimately they were truly alone. That instatement solo makes her realize how dependent Voyager's crew became on her figure, on her parameters and on her standards. And day by day she was loosing her personal identity; she was no longer Kathryn Janeway, but Captain Janeway.

Of course that was a perfectly normal reaction for their situation, she concluded, as entering her office she seated on the sofa still in deep thought. But she dearly missed been Kathryn Janeway, not the driven scientist or the curious artist, but the woman who needed care and attention and eventually love.

She neglected those aspects of herself as soon as she entered Voyager´s Bridge two years ago, but the journey has been long and rough and she knew there will be much more challenges ahead of them. That´s why she cherished all the moments she could take her uniform and pins and just be Kathryn Janeway.

Nelix´s luau later that evening was one of those moments and for that reason she was feeling excites and even anxious, but also she was troubled.

It seams that everyone was pairing for the Luau. Her helm man, Tom asked the Chief engineering B´Elanna to join him, Nelix was of course going with Kess, and even the Doctor had a holographic companion for the party. But she hadn't been asked.

Of course she didn´t really expected to be asked as a party companion, she was The Captain after all, but again, Kathryn would have liked the closeness and attention that request would have provided her.

"I'm not been truthful to myself." – She thought, leaving the couch and going to the replicator for a cup of coffee. Deep down Kathryn knew that only one person could have made the requested seamed acceptable and even expected. And that person was her First Officer, Commander Chakotay.

If he had asked her, she maybe would not have been as anxious as she was now.

"Maybe we'll be attending with someone else, he´s not obligated to be socializing with his Captain on his off duty times." – That was a saddening though, and she regretted starting this inner debate the moment it crossed her mind.

As she made her way back to the replicator to order a coffee refill her office´s door chimed. "Come in." – she called.

"Captain, am I interrupting?" – She heard Commander Chakotay´s voice as he entered her office.

"Not at all Commander, please take a seat. Can I get you something to drink?" – She pointed to her sofa and waited for his answer on her replicator offer.

"A peach tea will be fine. Thank you" – He answered almost instantaneously.

She attended his request and 30 seconds later handled him his peach tea cup. Chakotay remained silent the entire time which was certainly unfamiliar for Kathryn; her first officer was always forthcoming on the ship and crew issues.

She seat in the opposite side of the sofa, facing him. There was still no sign that he was going to talk anytime soon. "That's definitely a personal matter." – She thought as Chakotay sipped his tea looking absorbedly to the office floor.

"What´s on you mind Commander?" – Kathryn stated, hopping that he would feel compelled to talk.

"Seems like Tuvok will be attending the Luau after all" – Chakotay answered, lifting his eyes from the floor and gazing directly to Kathryn.

"Well I didn´t meant it as an order, but I worry about Tuvok, Chakotay, I´d like him to be more sociable with the crew, to mingle. After all in our unique situation we can rely only on each other." – Captain Janeway said, regretting that Tuvok did not appreciate the freedom his rank permitted him to have when concerning personal relationships.

"But I think he has come a long way Kathryn, at least for a Vulcan. He became quite close to Kess and has been tolerating Nelix far more than I thought he would!" – Chakotay said trying to conceal a smile.

"I think you're awfully right Chakotay!" – She responded with a full smile.

Chakotay was pleased he had made Kathryn smile. He too has been worried for the past few months, not about Tuvok, but about his Captain.

She seemed to be spending less off duty ours socializing an entertaining herself. He knew she had a holonovel she used to attend to, but he checked the holodecks logs and she hasn´t reserved any holodeck time for a couple of months now.

She wasn´t spending any off duty time with the crew either. He was quite aware of the restrictions that Starfleet captainship could bring, but as she said, in their unique situation, restrained on the Delta Quadrant, far from Starfleet and other captains, she couldn´t possibly expect to fully respect this restrictions.

And that's why Chakotay was eager to attend to Nelix's Luau. He hoped to see a much more relaxed and talkative Kathryn. She needed that time off, and he was going to make sure she gets it.

"And how about you Kathryn, are you looking forward to the Luau?" – Chakotay asked, moving slightly on the sofa, so he was fully facing her.

"I'm indeed Chakotay. You know how much I enjoy seeing the crew in a relaxed mood and having fun. This Luau could not have come in a better time. We all certainly need a break. I sure do." – She answered honestly; quite aware that maybe Chakotay noticed the not so sudden changes in her lately behavior and come to question her.

"That's great Kathryn, because I already reserved the best spot on the house for us. Nelix´s guaranteed me that the view from the pier tables is the most beautiful sight on the entire resort, especially on sunset. So at what time can I drop by your quarters?" – Chakotay blurted it out seeing Kathryn's facial expression turning from confusion to realization and then to apprehension and nervousness.

Kathryn squirmed in her seat, looked to her nearly empty coffee cup and pleaded that her earlier confusion and currently nervousness expression couldn´t be easily read by her first officer. But seemed that was not the case judging by Chakotay´s grin. He had surprised her, caught her off guard and he knew it.

She expected, mostly hoped, he would ask her to be his companion on the Luau, but she come to the realization that the probability of that happening was awfully small, she immediately discarded that case scenario and now she was not prepared for it.

"You're a starship captain Kathryn Janeway, trained to deal with unknown situations, just respond!" – She adverted herself and responded trying to sounding as confidently as she could – "Well that´s very thoughtful of you Chakotay and I´m sure if Nelix said so then it must be indeed beautiful."

"That really didn´t sound as a starship captain, it was more like 1st year Starfleet student." – Katheryn thought fully aware of her discomfort and lack of ability to concentrate on the conversation.

"So is 1700 hours ok?" – Chakotay left the sofa and was now standing by the office coffee table; he was really relieved the conversation went quite well, for a moment he feared that Kathryn would laugh at him, or punching him in the face for been so presumptuous about her accepting his invitation to the Luau.

He wasn't so certain however if he had made himself clear about who he wanted on the Luau with him - his friend Kathryn and not his Captain. Chakotay made a mental note to make some additional arrangements, that would most certainly set right mood for their evening. Unless of course, she only accepted his invitation as a captainship obligation and if that was the case he have been reading her reaction all wrong and that would cause a major misunderstanding between them. Chakotay didn´t want that to happen and for a minute he doubted himself and despite of her comment she hasn´t really said she accepted his invitation.

"Unless of course you have other arrangements to attend to Kathryn, and if that´s the case I don´t want be an intruder." – Chakotay didn´t meant to be that harsh on his statement but now he truly doubted that Kathryn would accept his invitation in the manner we wanted her to accept, as his friend, and hopefully as his date.

"Is he having second thoughts?" – Kathryn wandered seeing Chakotay´s grin been replaced by a nervous smile. She knew it wasn´t Chakotay's style to invite her to a social event on a captainship basis. In those cases Chakotay would simple met her there and converse about amenities.

But this situation was certainly different. He has made previously arrangements and invited her directly; he was even doubtful and annoyed by her lack of response. "It is a personal invitation." – She concluded once more and decided to be honest with him.

"I do not have other arrangements Chakotay. I was just taken aback by your invitation. And yes, 1700 will be fine." – Kathryn responded, leaving the sofa and positioning herself right in front of Chakotay, whose grin was back now.

For a moment, they stared in each others eyes searching for any indication of regret or doubt. And they were both pleased to see that there were none. Without been able to restrain himself any longer, Chakotay took advantage of Kathryn´s closeness and inclining towards her, he placed a lightly kiss on her cheek and left as quickly as he could, missing the surprised look on Kathryn Janeway´s face.

"We're pushing the boundaries." – She thought not unpleased, but only admitting a fact that she has denied for some time.


	2. Chapter 2 Pushing some Boundaries

Title: Missing Scenes from Alter Ego

Author: CarolQ Continuum

Summary: Missing Scenes of 3rd season episode Alter Ego. The events that led Captain Janeway and First Officer Chakotay to attend to Nelix's Luau party together.

Pairing: Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay

Genre: Romance

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager Series are Copyright and Trademark Paramount Pictures. No infringements intended.

Authors Note: I´d really appreciate reviews.

--------------------------------------------------------

Missing Scenes from Alter Ego

Chapter 02 – Pushing some Boundaries

Captain Janeway spent the remaining time of her duty shift in her office, reviewing the data collected from the reversed nebula phenomenon which she has increasingly finding more intriguing.

Also intriguing was that as the end of alpha shift approached, Kathryn found harder to concentrate on those logs which was most certainly unusual. She, as an experienced scientist, become accustomed analyzing endless scientifical data and finding them somehow entertaining. Nevertheless she found herself wondering beyond the nebula phenomenon and reaching a subject she did not wish to pursue at that time – her date with Commander Chakotay.

"Not Commander Chakotay, just Chakotay!" she corrected herself. She was not altogether convinced it was a "date", not in the common sense of the word. She forced herself to thought of it as a gathering of two very good friends.

"Besides I can't have a date, I´m the captain of a Starfleet vessel lost in an unknown region of space, dating shouldn´t be even crossing my mind right now." – But she was thinking of it, and she has been thinking of it for some time now.

The plain fact was that Chakotay did make a personal invitation, and she did accept it despite the restrictions her captainship could impose and furthermore despite the restrictions that her personal life could impose - she was after all, an engaged woman.

"Captain and Fiancée. Could it get any better?" – She thought sarcastically doubting she would be able to successful reconcile those two aspects of her life with the one constantly emerging now, Chakotay.

Even before she personally knew him, she had Chakotay in her highest regard. He sacrificed his ship, his crew and his rank to join her in a helpless journey. Chakotay willingly accepted Starfleet´s rules and regulation and ultimately her rules and regulation even when he thought Maqui´s rules would be better applied.

He accepted her crew as his own and made himself available for every one of them, without distinguishing Maqui and Starfleet. They´ve became accustomed having him around on off duty hours, which was imperative to set the homely atmosphere Kathryn always found essential for their success on the journey home.

Kathryn has now also become accustomed having Chakotay around. As an officer he was competent and skilled, always pondering her actions and preventing her from making the wrong decisions. As a friend he was supportive and caring, worried about her physical and mental safety. In more than one opportunity, when Kathryn doubted the journey and herself, Chakotay was prepared to comfort her, to share the burden and the responsibilities, even though she would not let him do it. He was a man of character and Kathryn admired him for that.

"He is as intriguing as this Reversed Nebula" – she thought realizing that she had never been personally involved with a man that could defy and question her the way Chakotay did. A man that didn´t fell subdued or uncomfortable with her position and rank.

Not even Mark, who had been present during her career ascension, wasn´t immune to her job effects. More than once, he expressed his concerns about the consequences that her captainship would bring for both of them and he hadn't been very pleased the times Kathryn accepted long-term or risky missions. All she could do in those situations was to assure him of her capabilities and attempt to make him comprehend the importance of those missions for Starfleet and mostly for her.

"I know he really tried to understand and support me, and for that I dearly loved him." – She stated and hoped she didn´t failed letting him know that when they were together. For some time now, Kathryn has been preparing herself for accepting that her feelings for Mark were no longer the same ones of two years ago, when she last spoke with him, exactly in this office, right before her departure.

Before she could even realize, a single tear rolled down her face, and she admonished herself for starting this inner debate. "Not today!" – She resolved, finding herself yet unprepared to deal with those surfacing emotions.

"Computer what is the time?" – Captain Janeway inquired trying her best to sound professional and composed. She quickly touched her face looking for any other unwanted tears and finding none of them.

"It is 1600 hours." – The synthesized female voice responded and even before it could finish its sentence the captain was already on her feat, tapping her combadge – "Janeway to Chakotay."

"Chakotay here captain." – She immediately heard. "I'm calling it a day Commander anything to report?" – Kathryn knew that Chakotay would have informed her of any changes in the ship's status or the nebula´s conditions but she wanted to be certain that her First Officer had all the bases covered in case there were any unexpected situations. She has always been confident in her crew´s competence and now it wouldn´t be different but she was somehow annoyed by the possibility of having her prior arrangement interrupted.

"Nothing Captain, the ship is functioning within normal parameters and the beta shift will continue to constantly monitor the nebula. Our readings indicate it´ll be a calm night." – He quickly responded apparently foreseeing his captain´s thoughts.

"Acknowledged Commander. Janeway out." – The Captain was grateful for her First Officer abilities to anticipate her thoughts since she wouldn´t dare to declare her preoccupations for anyone else to hear.

Kathryn left her ready room, entering the bridge where the beta shift had already resumed the reversed nebula sensor scanning. Chakotay had been relieved from his post and was nowhere to be seen. She sighed in relieve and entered the turbo lift calling out for her quarter´s deck. It would have been an awkward moment Kathryn thought, if both of them had been led to make that bridge-quarters walk together. "I´m sure he took care of that as well." – She silently said, leaving the turbo-lift and heading to her quarters.

Luckily only a few crew members were to be seeing in the corridor´s deck. She acknowledged every single one of them - a habit Kathryn was determined to maintain regardless of the situation – and entered her quarters. "To soak in the bathtub. That will give me some mind rest." – She sighed and went straight to the bathroom.

Commander Chakotay had left the bridge just a few minutes earlier when his Captain called. He, as an experienced former Maqui captain and currently skilled Starfleet first officer, knew that Captain Kathryn Janeway wouldn't leave her duty shift until the systems were fully checked and the major situations totally solved. He wouldn´t have behaved differently.

Therefore he anticipated the engineering, communication, security and medical reports, as well as the science reviews on the reversed nebula. It had been a massive effort from him, who wasn´t a burocracy enthusiast; however it was an effort we was willing to make if it would assure Kathryn and himself a pleasant evening together. They did have an outstanding skilled crew but tonight he was counting on no interruptions. "You certainly are felling self-assured Commander. Don´t push your luck!" – He admonished himself thinking he could have heard the same words from the captain´s mouth when, without notice he invited her to join him in Nelix´s Luau.

But for his surprise she had accepted. Kathryn Janeway had accepted his invitation despite of all the convincing reasons she could have used to decline his personal request. She is, after all a Starfleet captain and therefore bounded by rules and regulations about fraternization with crew members. But that was not the only reason Chakotay hadn´t been to confident about his request, besides the fact of been a captain, Kathryn was also an engaged woman.

Only on one occasion she had mentioned her fiancé Mark to him. It was when they´d been discussing rules about crew fraternization on Voyager. According to Kathryn it was a Starfleet policy to not interfere on Starship crew´s personal lives as far as relationships were concerned.

However that same rule couldn't be applied to the ship´s Captain and she complemented saying that she expected to home before Mark gave up on her. Chakotay had seen not only pain and longing on Kathryn´s eyes, but also fear, doubt and loneliness.

Now in his quarters, as Chakotay completed replicating him a greenish florid shirt and white loose-fitting pants, he wished his party arrangements were enough to convince Kathryn that she was corrected on relinquishing her restrictions and accept his invitation. He would try to chase the ghosts away, at least for the evening.

He finished dressing himself, replicated a single crimson rose and left for Kathryn´s quarters.

It was 1630 hours when Kathryn fished drying herself after taking a long and luxurious bath. She was indeed feeling much more contented and relaxed, and expected to remain that way through out the evening. She now concentrated on putting her makeup and replicating herself a nice florid dress to set a Luau mood. Analyzing the computer´s selection of florid dresses she opted for a white knee short model, with delicate green flowers spread all over it.

Of course for a Luau, the computer choose only strap dresses and as she dressed, Kathryn started felling self-conscious and wondered if that was an appropriate outfit for the occasion and for her. "It's definitely showing too much." – She stated and concluded that was certainly not appropriated clothing for a captain to wear on a community event.

"But right now I'm not a captain, tonight I´m only Kathryn" – She remembered her previous resolution to abandon the restrictions and enjoy the evening. Deciding against replicating a new dress Kathryn fixed her hair with a single white fabric flower, which perfectly matched the whole combination.

"Well I´m certainly looking at least 5 years younger." – She said gazing at her discarded uniform and realizing that the piece of clothing itself had carried more responsibilities than some of the ensigns themselves. "No wonder it sometimes feels like I´m 2 pounds heavier. And I thought it was Nelix´s Leola root soup. " – She smiled at her reflection.

At that moment her door chimed. "Am I prepared for this?" – She inquired without really expecting a precise answer from her reflection. "Come on in." – She called, heading quickly to the living room.

"Hello Kathryn." – Chakotay first said, entering the quarters and taking a few steps towards her. "I…, you… look beautiful Kathryn!" – He awkwardly added embarrassed by the feelings and thoughts he was having. Instantly Chakotay began having second thoughts about the whole situation, not because Kathryn – she look astonishing beautiful, cheerful and relaxed – but because of him. He wasn´t quite sure anymore he would be able to restrain himself in pushing their previous set boundaries.

"Thank you Chakotay. Is… that for me?" – Kathryn looked kindly at the single crimson rose he was holding. "Yes, it is." – He said plainly and closing the distance between them, he presented her the rose. "It is beautiful Chakotay!" – She whispered looking directly to his eyes and as he had done earlier this morning in her office, she took advantage of their closeness and placed lightly a kiss on his cheek.

Chakotay smiled and found in her actions, the assurance he needed to continue slightly pushing the boundaries.

"Shall we go?" – He asked, offering his arm for her. "We most certainly shall." – She cheerfully responded and took his arm as they passed the quarter´s door heading to the Luau.


	3. Chapter 3 All our Promises

Title: Missing Scenes from Alter Ego

Author: CarolQ Continuum

Summary: Missing Scenes of 3rd season episode Alter Ego. The events that led Captain Janeway and First Officer Chakotay to attend to Nelix's Luau party together.

Pairing: Kathryn Janeway and Chakotay

Genre: Romance

Rating: K+

Disclaimer: Star Trek Voyager Series are Copyright and Trademark Paramount Pictures. No infringements intended.

Authors Note: I´d really appreciate reviews.

--------------------------------------------------------

Missing Scenes from Alter Ego

Chapter 03 - All our Promises

"Captain, Mr. Chakotay, it's wonderful to see you have come to my humble Polynesian Luau party. You know, it took me almost one full day of Starfleet database research to set the decoration properly. I wanted all to be perfect to the crew. Those flowers over there for example, I …" – Nelix was blabbing from the moment they arrived at the Luau and were greeted with a garland by the local resort holographic inhabitants.

When Chakotay and Kathryn entered the holodeck, they were pleased to see that most of the senior staff was already there, in civilian clothes, chatting, eating and drinking. They seemed to be enjoying this well deserved and needed break.

"They look really cheerful don´t they Chakotay"? – Kathryn whispered to Chakotay not having the hearth to interrupt Nelix who was now describing the exact composition and preparation of a typical baked taro.

Chakotay looked at her and smiled widely. He knew how important the crews physical and mental health was to Kathryn, not because she was their captain and therefore responsible for every single one of them, but mostly because she has come to consider them her family. It hasn´t always been easy for her since generally, Starfleet captains weren´t stimulated to become intimate with their crew, even in deep space missions. However, until now the Captain was successful on her own personal mission as Voyager´s crew learned to appreciate its Captain´s company.

"Thank you Mr. Nelix, that was very… informative. Excuse us" – Chakotay blunted out, took Kathryn´s hand and headed to the cocktail bar.

"You sure know how to shorten a conversation Chakotay" – Kathryn teased smiling at him. "Well I can call him back and say how his captain is eager to know about the Polynesian's story telling traditions." – He teased back and moved away from the bar in Nelix´s direction.

"There´s no need for that!" – She reached out placed a hand in his shoulder. "I can live without knowing that piece of information, and besides, there´s always starfleet´s cultural database." – She smiled and handled him a bluish cocktail, which he willingly accepted.

Kathryn immediately saw Tuvok entering the holodeck and greeted him. As see expected her Vulcan friend wasn´t too happy about being requested to attend to the party but before she could elucidate the logic of the situation, something drew Tuvok´s attention, a holographic resort character.

"That´s most unusual, Chakotay. It´s not like Tuvok to be interested on entertaining holograms." – Kathryn said puzzled. "At least he's socializing, Kathryn." – Chakotay sarcastically responded.

"Well I think we efficiently fulfilled our social obligations. Shall we go now?" – Chakotay invited gazing at a quizzically Kathryn. "Go where Chakotay?" – She immediately replied sensing he was up to something. "It´s a surprise, do you trust me Kathryn? – Chakotay didn´t intent to inquire Kathryn as seriously as he had done but it´s was important for him to know that she trusted him to make the right choices for both of them.

Certainly Kathryn wasn´t expecting to be questioned in such a sensitive matter but looking at her first officer and friend she realized he needed some concrete affirmation from her, a confirmation she was prepared to accept whatever Chakotay had prepared for them. "I do trust you Chakotay and I trust all you choices." – He once more took her hand on his and started to walk towards the shoreline.

Hand in hand they followed the shoreline for about ten minutes before they reached the resort´s pier. The ocean was calm and the soothing sound of the waves filled the air. The skies were colored in red and yellow as the sun was already setting down. The ocean breeze was still warm and gentle, touching their skin softly.

"This is a beautiful place Chakotay." – Kathryn almost whispered, overwhelmed by the peacefulness of the site. Those were the first words spoken since they´ve left the main resort´s structure given that they´ve make the entire walk in a comfortable silence, fully appreciating the surroundings and each other company. For one moment Chakotay truly felt they were in shore leave on an alien planet. There was no Voyager or crew, commanding duties or Federation rules, just Kathryn, himself and that paradisiacal place.

Kathryn noticed a gazebo placed a few meters away from them. The structure was sheltering a low wooded table encircled by white cushions. The table was set with a variety of exotic fruits and Polynesian delicacies, all served in bamboo bowls. There was also a selection of decorated drinks, similar to the ones served on the party. The whole gazebo was by now artificially illuminated; the sun already started to set.

"You have thoroughly planned this evening, haven´t you Chakotay?" – Kathryn was astonished by the sight before her. She couldn´t actually believe that he had intentionally prepared all those arrangements for her. "Well I´m sure Nelix will claim all the credit for it since he was the one who spent a full day researching." – He responded laughing.

They sat side by side facing the ocean, which was now fully red-colored reflecting the sun setting shades. They helped themselves with the food and drink; Kathryn chose a fruit and vegetable mixed salad while Chakotay preferred the fried fish. "If Nelix had any part on this I´m sure the whole crew will know it by tomorrow, and we will have a new pool going on by the end of the week." – Kathryn playfully said to him. But she hadn´t really thought of it until that very moment. "Does that bother you Kathryn?" – He asked fully facing her and noticing her sudden preoccupation.

Kathryn didn't immediately respond him and remained silent searching her own feelings, hoping she could offer Chakotay a sincere answer. He waited patiently and undemanding, however fearing she could regret and abandon their meeting; the boundaries they were finally starting to push would return the their previously places.

"Actually it would have bothered me a lot more in the past Chakotay." – She unexpectedly answered, not looking directly at him. "But now, I'm not so sure anymore." – She slowly looked up to puzzled and apprehensive Chakotay and continued – "In the very beginning of this returning home mission, Chakotay, when I first realized how long would take us to go back to the Alpha Quadrant, I promised myself I would respect and honor my commitment with Mark despite of the consequences. But now, almost three years after my departure, as I deeply reflect on that promise I realize how foolish I may have been. Mark wanted a family, the whole house, wife, kids and dog package, but every time he brought the matter up I dismissed him.

A few weeks before I was assigned on Voyager, he convinced me to finally set a date and commence the preparations. But when Starfleet contacted me I left everything on hold, promising Mark to resume the weeding planning after returning from my three week space mission. It has been almost three years now Chakotay…" – Kathryn couldn´t conceal the emotion on her voice, she tried to hide her moist eyes but Chakotay immediately placed a finger under Kathryn´s chin, encouraging her to look at him – "And you are not certain Mark will wait for you." – He finished the sentence sadly realizing that, other than being her first officer and friend, that was no other place in her life for him.

The sadness and hurt in Chakotay´s eyes didn´t go unnoticed by Kathryn. She did not intend to discuss Mark with him or with anybody else as a matter of fact, but it was out in the open air before she could stop herself and judging by Chakotay´s last comment and present expression, Kathryn suspected he didn´t quite comprehended her. She gently placed her hand on his shoulder, as she usually does when wanting to attracted his fully attention on an sensitive matter, and looking straight in his eyes said – "No, Chakotay, actually I´m not sure If I want him to wait for me, or even if I want to fulfill my promise."

The true realization hit him as soon as her words were spoken. Chakotay could now understand the reason behind Kathryn´s lately unsociable behavior; the reason why she has often chose to spend her off duty time alone, occupied with minor Voyager´s business. She was indeed freeing herself from a commitment wearied by time and distance, a commitment she was no longer willing to maintain for Mark´s and her own sake. But for Kathryn standards those motives weren't nearly enough to reassure her decision. She was questioning her integrity and feeling guilt for opening herself for other possibilities. "But you ought to be sure of one thing Kathryn, no matter what you decide, it won´t make you unfaithful, dishonorable or dishonest, it won´t change who you really are and It definitely won´t change anyone´s opinion about your character!" – He stated hoping to give her a little comfort.

Kathryn fully smiled again amazed how this man could read her so easily and chose the exact words to reassure her. Just a few years ago they were declared enemies; then became acquaintance allies, and now he was one of her best friends and she no longer could imagine not having him in her life. She intended to express those sentiments to him but she couldn´t yet find the strength to do it at that moment. "The time will come and I´ll let him know." – She promised herself.

"Someday, perhaps, there will be some other place in her life for me to occupy. " – Chakotay thought hopeful. He took her hand off his shoulder and placed between his own, feeling it warm and soft. He, then, lifted it up and placed a small kiss on her palm and then on her wrist.

Kathryn was overwhelmed by the sensations Chakotay was causing, she had allowed and encouraged all his actions, enjoying the consideration and the attention he was giving her. However the situation appeared to be rapidly escalating and soon it would be difficult for both of them to restrain themselves. She had to stop it.

She quickly disengaged her hand from his but before she could say anything he asked – "Would you like to go for a walk Kathryn?" – knowing he had crossed a line she was not yet prepared to follow. However he wasn´t letting her leave just yet and without waiting for her reply he stood up, took once more Kathryn´s hand and headed for the shoreline. Hand in Hand they walked further away from the pier, taking their time to fully appreciate the starry night sky.

Hours later, Chakotay and Kathryn returned to the resort´s main structure, finding that the Luau party was already over and they were the last ones to leave. "Well the crew will certainly have something to talk about for the following two weeks." – Kathryn teased him, laughing soundly as they left the holodeck and headed towards their quarters. "I bet 3 weeks." – Chakotay replied, delighted she was so cheerful. He hasn't seen her smile like that for some time now.

Arriving to their quarter's doors, Kathryn turned to fully face Chakotay, and taking his hand – "I had a wonderful time this evening Chakotay, I wanted you to know how much I appreciated your invitation." – "I had a great time as well, Kathryn." – He replied, gently caressing her hand – "I hope we could spend more evenings together."

"I´m sure we will Chakotay." – She released his hand and turning, entered her quarters.

-------------------------------------------------------


End file.
